frannyan

I'm just getting to a point where I just couldn't give a shit less about so many things. -_-

Nobody cares about the shit I do, that's fine, whatever. I don't really share any interests with people. I've stopped caring about card game stuff long ago. I cared more about the Sennen Item plotlines than the duels even back at the start and the cards are what they continued on about, so I kinda never really went too far with the sequels. But that's what half my friends list likes so I just kinda listen in and try and pay attention.

I don't like Shakespeare. I kinda sorta like running around like a monkey for theater and I'm starting to worry that I somehow signed up to be more in charge of something other than making sure things run smoothly and taking car of what's been set up. Nothing in common with that group either.

I'm not a teacher. I work in a school, think the whole system is full of shit and don't really like most of my coworkers. I like playing with the data and making it accessible and TRYING to start change so things work better. Only noone understands a thing that I do. It's like maaaagic. Nothing in common there.

I have one friend in town who is not living in this house with me. We both like anime in general and vaguely video games. Barely see her because she's a bigger hikikomori than I am.

Starting to feel frustrated with where I live. There's nothing in Rutland but a few small stores and a bunch of strip malls. There's nothing really in Poutlney but a small main street.

I have noone to talk to outside of my house about things I enjoy doing, what few they are. And mostly that just entails "Look at this thing I made! Gimme feedback!"

Starting to feel inches away from flipping everything, grabbing Judy and driving off into the sunset or something.

just-- fuck everything.

So I'm thinking maybe next year for New Years, maybe I aught to, ya know, do something.

New Years stopped feeling any different once staying up past midnight started being an everyday thing. I mean, even then it was just me and my brother staying up all night watching Marx brothers' movies or something.


I dunno. Just me and my lack of a handle on this whole time thing makes New Years just... well. Another day.

Yeah, IDK. Holidays yet again this year just kinda sailed on by without me having a clue. I need a life.

It's kinda weird. Within the year I've gotten a few CDs from bands I used to listen to all the time. Got the latest Depeche Mode album and just....

didn't like it.

Listened to it once and then stuck it on the shelf. It was both at the same time, different than their earlier stuff, yet totally the same as their last album I got. Only I liked the last album (which I only just finally got the non-live version of the album of. ... I like the live one better. The studio cuts just... kinda... suck.) This one just... it didn't have any of the parts I liked and seemed to develop the parts I didn't. It was like the 5Ds of Depeche Mode. [god what a sentance :D] Disappointing, but whatever.

So then I also got the latest Tori Amos album. [or at least I think it's the latest, I haven't kept up with music at ALL] and after having it sit around for a month, mp3ed it and mixed it into the rotation.

And so far everything on it sounds exactly like her previous stuff. And I'm just as meh about it as I was about the DM album.

Also picked up a Metalica album I used to have in middle school and gave it a listen. And wow, this... kinda sucks. I used to really like this album and I'm just sitting here going "... there's nothing to this. What the hell, self."

Starting to wonder if I'm turning into one of those "NOTHING NEW" sorta people. @_@ Only not cause I'm still picking up soundtrack stuff, Jpop and mashups. I've actually gotten real fond of mashups between current pop and 80s stuff. And also leaning more towards dance/techno and some more mainstream pop. [At least I think it's mainstream, I haven't listened to the radio in ages, fuckall if I know what's popular. @_@]

I dunno. I used to pride myself on the fact that I liked different things than everyone else. But really...

I think I just like popular music.

Somehow it feels like admitting that is almost shameful or something. I dunno.

Yet at the same time, I'm very slow to introduce new music into my rotations.

Is this what it feels like to be hitting adulthood proper? Resistant to change, yet kinda cranky with the old stuff?

Sometimes I just look back at stuff I used to do and like and wonder why I stopped. Other times I wonder why I started.

I'm starting with the crafting thing again. The urge for making videos is still kinda there but keeps being sat on by things on the computer exploding ><. The theater bug is kinda... floating. (I blame my crap motivation for that)

I think this is why I'm not gonna do the grad school thing, and why I'm perfectly happy to stay at the job I'm at. I don't want to try going for a career kinda job where you are actually in a field or whatever. I'm in a job with a decent pay per hour, a great boss, and where I get to fiddle around with numbers and organize things. [something that's just been getting stronger the more I get to indulge in it. Though it's getting more refined to "oooh, I wanna see how..." dunno how much more C&C stats I'll e doing just because.. eh. I proved my point there. Research to be done is in another area, really. And doesn't require time stamping. SIDE RAMBLE]

It's like how I always was swapping majors. Floating interest. Like how the environmental thing is just... total back burner. Tired of reading labels, tired of not doing things because their wasteful. I think that's a lot of why I stopped crafting. But fuck it, making things is FUN. Doubt I'll go back to candling cause god that made a mess and then the candles just stat around, but I'm really enjoying playing around with stamps and now that I've realized "Oh hey! I can make cards for people! SWEET." it's really taking off. I think that was part of why it never went anywhere past hording stamps last time I was into this stuff [like, oh god, middle school? Mail order catalog and ordering a stamp with my full name, it HAD to be. (wonder if I still have those somewhere. AAAH NESTED PARENTHESES)]

So. Yeah. I think I lost my point in there somewhere. @_@

Maybe I should try and track down the music suggestions from people and actually... ya know.. follow up on them. ^^;;;;; Stop trying to pick up new stuff from old bands I liked and just acknowledge that I don't listen to them any longer.

Not getting rid of any of my cds because phhht, every time I do that, 2 years later I'm all "Dude, why did I get rid of that? T_T"

Oh yeah: First CD I ever got was Ace of Base - The Sign.

And I kind wish I still had it.

I LIKE CHEESY MUSIC.

*Feels better and finally ends this ramble*

Edit: Also. I need to do more with my photos. Even if it's just going through the old ones and uploading them somewhere if not taking more. STOP BEING SO LAZY, SELF.

The question! "What, if anything, would you guys say I'm passionate about/nerdy over/really into?"

The answers!



Statistics, definitely a nerdy interest. :) Also a running joke from that context. :) The fact that I am itching to get back to work so I can get into the data and work it into a easily digested form? Yeah, this one is a check.





Almost! Granted, my garden this year is mostly veggies, that was mostly just out of what got put in. Really, gardening in general is a big hobby. I don't care if I get veggies or anything outta it, the leaves and flowers of squash I glee over. If I get something off the plant? Hey bonus!





Ah, context friendship :D Actually, I don't think I'm at all passionate about RP. I enjoy it, but it's not anything I'd say I'm nerdy or really into. Just something that's fun and a way to be social and make friends.




This one needs no comment :D




Context: Campus! Judy is still a given, candles... I haven't made one in at least 5 years now. Not since Fair Haven. I've gotten rid of most my candling supplies, haven't lit one in years [not since '02 I don't think, when I caught that pillow on fire GOOD JOB SELF!] Gardening is obvious since I had just posted photos o the garden. :) Fushigi I was really into in college. I still have the manga, but haven't really looked at it much. I don't even think it's still in my top 10 series. But it was my first anime, so...




Sort of yes and no. Theater is something I'm satelliting around a lot lately. Just finished up running props for the Tempest, did the big video project on the theater department for my senior project. It's an interest, and probably one that's growing. But I think in a lot of ways, it's a side shoot of the "wanting to help out" urge. Acting is just... not something I can do. Even though I took acting 2 and Paula thought I was wonderful, I still have way too much performance anxiety. I much prefer running around in the background, putting things together, keeping things running, being in the supporting position so that everything goes as it should. Ya know, like like what I have at work.




Lol RP lol. :) Not at all a strong thing.



So kinda interesting to see from my perspective what comes to mind from others. Also makes me think on what things I'm neglecting or just not showing.